THE TOY

I am not one to buy into getting THE TOY of the Christmas season. Elf is 3.5, and really not old enough to understand wanting something. As I mentioned in a previous post, I pretty much tell her what to ask Santa for.

This year, THE TOY, the one that is sold out everywhere, and selling for hundreds on e-bay would be the Leappad. I love LeapFrog. They make great toys. We have several of them, and they are always a big hit with the kids. I looked at the LeapPad. And the Explorer. And the Leapster 2. And I can actually tell you what is different about them. But I won't. The gist of the LeapPad, for those of you who don't have kids, is that it is basically a tablet PC for the toddler set. It has apps. And games. And I figured, yes, it is cool. But if I can't go into the store, pick one up, and buy it (or even better, order it from Amazon so I don't even have to leave my house) then I wasn't going to get one. Besides, this is a toy that requires extra purchases. You can't buy the LeapPad and be done. It needs apps. And games. And batteries. And maybe a nifty carry case so that all those extras stay together. But then it happened.

I was at Target today, buying peanut butter (you know, so the kids won't starve) and of course, it being Target, I had to wander around the whole store. (Besides, I had to get a prescription. Which apparently can't be filled until tomorrow. Awesome.) And there it was. ONE LeapPad. PINK. I look around suspiciously. Put it in my cart. With it in my cart already, I text the husband. Should I buy this? Sure, he says. So I finish my shopping, fully prepared, as I wander through the underwear section (because, again, I am at Target, and I only have Bee with me, and my MIL gave me a gift card to Victoria's Secret, so maybe she thinks I need new underwear) to defend myself should anyone say anything about the LeapPad.

Get checked out and go home and feed the now screaming Bee, then go to the car and unload my booty (peanut butter, diapers, 4 pairs of pants for Bee who outgrew her 0-3 mo clothes, and for some reason only has 4 pairs of 3-6 mo, nursing pads, new underwear since we are going to visit the in-laws, two boxes of triangle crayons which won't roll away when we are on the plane and Elf and G-man don't have to share, two pixie movies, ezcema lotion for Bee and the aforementioned LeapPad and one game) Get kids down for nap and decide to plug this thing in. I have read the reviews, and I know I want it prepped before she opens it, so that it is ready to go.

First challenge- getting it out of the box. It took two different attachments on a swiss army knife to get it out and assembled. Find 4 AA batteries. They are not all the same brand. I walk on the wild side.

Second challenge- Get the thing working. Put in the CD, which apparently has nothing on it, because you immediately have to download software. I do this. Twice. Plug in the LeapPad. Turn it on. Crash the browser. Wait and play on FB and start writing post while it connects and downloads. Choose my free app. (I was a little peeved here, because you can't choose from all the apps, just a few, which I suspect are not the star players on their list. But Elf is 3. who cares?) Talk to my mom on the phone while the apps download and I see what other damage I can do to our credit card.

Play with the thing. You know, to make sure it works. And because I don't have anything more pressing, like laundry or dusting or packing to do! Update later on how it plays. So far, as long as you prep it before giving, it seems like an awesome toy.

I used to like traveling

The big day is looming.
No, not Christmas.
The 23rd. The day we pack up three kids, three carseats, one stroller, and enough luggage, snacks, diapers, games, and toys that we might as well move. Otherwise known as enough stuff to keep the kids clean, fed and entertained for five days. And, more importantly, a 3 hour plane flight.
I am not a good traveler. I start stressing out about the holidays starting around Thanksgiving. I'm not worried about gifts, or seeing the in-laws, or where we are going to stay, or the money we will spend.
No. I am stressed about a) packing b) getting to the airport c) getting everyone and everything onto the plane intact d) getting the aforementioned people and things into a rental car AT LAX and to the in-laws house.
LAX- the center of all travel nightmares. The place you need to get to the airport 3 hours before your flight just to make sure you can get through security. The place the airport cops will yell at you if you dare to stop at the curb for more than 3 seconds. Let alone try to install and load 3 carseats. I am not generally a germ phobe, but there is something about LAX that brings out my urge to coat my children in purell and put them in a bubble. Not to mention all the strangers. Strangers become an entirely different fear when you have a pre-schooler. One that has just learned her full name, and loves to show off. And a toddler that can suddenly move VERY. FAST.
After we are there, I will be fine. But right now, I am stressed.
We have 3 seats for 5 people. That means that my husband, Elf, and I will have seats. Bee and G-Man will be "lap babies." I'm not too worried about Bee. She is 3 months, and will sit with me, and only needs boob to keep her happy. G-Man, on the other hand, is 18 months, and just learned to walk. It is a challenge to keep him still long enough to change his diaper. I can't imagine the nightmare that 3 hours in a seat is going to be. We might be banned from Southwest for life.
So, in order to try to keep some shred of sanity, I have already started planning what to pack, what to bring. I hate to check our carseats, but I can't imagine trying to gate-check two carseats and a stroller. Elf will sit in her carseat. So, we are already lugging that and a stroller through security.
Security- did you know that if you have a newborn, even they have to take off their shoes? That you usually have to take the baby out of whatever baby carrier you are using? Do you know how awesome that is, trying to chase down a toddler and a pre-schooler, while re-assembling all of the crap you are dragging onto the plane? All while you are in your socks, and trying to carry 3 pairs of shoes, and trying not to think about how dirty that carpet is that your kids are now crawling around on?
At least we get priority boarding due to the kids.
Sigh. Four more days and I am already thinking I might need a Xanax.

Christmas... and Santa

Here's the Honest Truth.
I DON'T want my kids to believe in Santa. I don't like the idea of lying to my kids. And, as a Christian, I don't like the idea of telling them that someone (Santa) exists, then them finding out it is all a lie, yet also trying to teach them the existence of a God, who they also cannot see or meet, but are expected to just believe in.
The trouble with this really is that I don't want my kids to ruin it for anyone else. I don't want to be the mom of the kid who tells everyone in pre-school that there is no santa. It is a nice idea. And, frankly, we haven't talked too much about Santa to the kids. We have done the requisite pictures. We have a few books. But really, even Elf doesn't understand when I ask her what she wants for Christmas, or when someone asks her what she wants Santa to bring her.
I will admit right here: I "suggest" to Elf what she might want for Christmas. After I have done my shopping. So this year, when she visited Santa, I "suggested" that she might want a dollhouse. Just like last year I "suggested" that she might want a train set. But really, we don't have any disappointment. Sure, at some point, she will start having wants of her own, but it works fine for right now.
I am still trying to figure out what we are going to do about Santa. I guess we will just keep going the way we are now- staying low-key about it, not really bringing him up, but not really telling the kids one thing or another. See where it leads us.

One direction that it DOES lead us is that damn elf. We don't have an elf. I don't want an elf. As a mom, I have enough to worry about (are the dogs fed, do the kids have clean clothes, did I remember to pick up my child at school) and I just don't need to worry about moving a stupid elf. I don't have any problem with those of you that have an elf. More power to you. It just isn't for me. Though... my grandmother does have some vintage elves that look just like the elf on the shelf. So maybe, if the kids ever ask, we might aquire an elf to come and visit. But he will NEVER EVER make a mess in our house that I have to clean up. And there will NEVER EVER be an elf on a toilet in our front yard!

Holidays at Pre-school

My oldest started pre-school this year. This is the first time I have had to deal with Other Kids' Moms in a school setting. I thought we were doing well. We had a birthday party. We have brought snack. We do show and share. My kid has not bit, hit, kicked or otherwise hurt another child (so far). I make sure to get dressed before dropping off and picking up my kid. Despite what others do, I do not stop IN THE MIDDLE of the carpool circle so that no other cars can pull up behind me. I wave. I make small talk. GOOD. MOM. stuff.
Now, though, it is the holidays. We go to a Christian school, so I can safely say Christmas.

So. Today is the Christmas Party. I send:
Apples (at the teacher's request. Had it been me, I would have sent something that would have left all 17 kids hopped up on sugar for a week)
A gift for the teacher
A gift for the "gift exchange"

First thing I notice when I drop off my child- all the other little girls are wearing dresses. Like the kind of dress that I got my kid for pictures and Christmas mass and parties. My kid is wearing a pair of snowflake tights and a shirt that says "Elf Sized." That I got second-hand. On-line. Oh. And Pink sequined shoes from Target. This is a party for 3 year olds people. Oh, well. Elf doesn't notice. She is trying to carry her present to the teacher.

On to the present. I think I did pretty good- an embroidered coffee cuff and a starbucks gift card. I was a teacher. I know how important a) having your name on everything and b) coffee is to life. Apparently, I am at the bottom end of spending. Pampered Chef gift baskets? Come on people. This woman has my child two days a week.

I leave. Return for the "show" later. Confession time.
I HATE school performances. HATE. Hated them when I was a kid. Hated them as a teacher. And guess what? Even though my darling child is up there? Still hate them. Seriously. I look at my watch. Wonder how many songs they are going to do. How many times you can re-make "I'm a Little Tea Pot" to suit a holiday (apparently, a lot) I go because I have to. I video. I post said videos for family and friends. But by no means to I actually like these performances. Sorry kids. Anyway, I get through it.

Now, the kids open gifts. This is the deal. Each kid brings in a gift, and they will draw a number and get one of the gifts that another kid brought in. Price was supposed to be $5 or less. Have you been shopping lately? It is hard to find something (that is not a piece of crap) for that price. You can't even buy a single My Little Pony. I buy a baby doll. Target brand. Elf has one. She loves it. But the thing is cheap. Like, made in China, the head is held on with a zip-tie cheap. We wrap it up and send it in.

Apparently, I am a BAD.MOM. I am the only one that spent $5. Kids open: Barbies. Littlest Pet Shop. Real HotWheels (not the ones you get at the Dollar Store) Elf got FOUR dress-up paper dolls. Disney ones. With Stickers. And I didn't even take off the Circo tag, so now everyone knows that I got the cheap Target doll.

I am not even going to get into the conversation that I had with the mom next to me about the Gymboree Outlet.

Welcome!

I sort of feel bad adding to the multitude of mommy-blogs out there. But apparently, there is demand for this. So. This is some of the crap that I do.
First, I say I am a bad mom. Not in the illegal, call CPS on my butt kind of way. Just in your every-day, there is always someone crying at my house sort of way.
I have three kids.
Elf is almost 3.5. G-man is 18 months. Baby Bee is 3 months.
I have a wonderful husband. No matter what I say about him, he is AWESOME! I mean, the crap he does for me is amazing. The number of times he has saved my butt or dealt with some sort of bodily fluid from one of the kids (and there is a lot of that around here!) or picked up the slack or told me "honey, just go take a bath" it is amazing. So, no one can say crap about my husband. Except maybe me.